How to be independent: 10 ways to become more self-reliant
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore what being independent means and examples of why it's important, including 6 benefits of independence. Plus, how to be, or become more, independent.
Independence is a quality that many of us strive to achieve in our lives. It's about making decisions for ourselves, managing our own lives, and feeling confident in our abilities without overly depending on others. Being independent can mean having life skills to take care of our physical needs, like cooking or paying bills, but also about being able to think for ourselves, make choices that reflect our true desires, and confidently pursue our dreams.
Achieving independence can make a difference in how we feel about ourselves. It can involve taking control of our lives, setting our goals, and working toward them without being swayed by others. This doesn't mean we have to do everything alone — seeking advice and support is a part of being independent too. But it does mean we take the lead in our lives, making choices based on what's best for us.
How to become independent: 10 tips
Gaining independence involves self-awareness, courage, and persistence. With these mindful strategies, you can gradually build independence and lead a self-directed life.
1. Identify your goals and priorities
Reflect on what truly matters to you. What are your aspirations, values, and passions? Set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals to guide you on your path toward independence. Knowing what you want can help you make decisions aligned with your true self.
💙 Get Perspective on Your Goals and explore the forces driving your aspirations during the Daily Jay.
2. Develop communication skills
Effective communication is important in finding independence. It may enable you to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly, avoiding misunderstandings and building stronger relationships. Practice active listening, assertiveness, and empathy to enhance your interactions with others.
💙 Practice mindful listening to communicate better with Chibs Okereke’s guided meditation, Listen Up.
3. Establish a supportive network
While independence is about self-reliance, having a supportive network is an essential part. Surround yourself with people who encourage and respect your choices for yourself. These could be friends, family members, mentors, or peers who offer emotional support and guidance without imposing their own agendas.
💙 Discover the importance of nurturing relationships with others — and yourself — in the Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Relationship series.
4. Build your confidence
Confidence is the foundation of independence. Develop it by acknowledging your strengths, accepting your weaknesses, and taking on challenges. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and learn from failures without harsh self-criticism to encourage your personal growth.
💙 Start your day the confident way with Before the Day – Pure Possibility, a guided meditation from The Confidence Series.
5. Spend time alone
Solitude can give you the opportunity to reflect, pursue hobbies, and understand your own thoughts and feelings. Some alone time can help in making decisions that align with your inner self.
💙 Get a new perspective on being alone during this Daily Jay session on Solitude.
6. Set boundaries
Learning to say no and setting clear boundaries can be vital steps toward independence. They can help you maintain your sense of self and prevent others from encroaching on your time, energy, and personal space.
💙 Practicing Kind Communication while establishing boundaries can empower you to speak your truth in a way that’s respectful and well-received.
7. Try new experiences
Stepping out of your comfort zone can bring growth and independence, expose you to new experiences, challenge your beliefs, and build resilience. Whether it's learning a new skill, traveling, or changing a routine, each new experience can contribute to your self-reliance.
8. Practice self-care
Taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing is essential for personal independence. Develop routines that promote health and happiness, such as regular exercise, balanced nutrition, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices.
💙 Discover the tools of self-care in order to build your own practice during the Radical Self-Care series.
9. Maintain an active lifestyle
Physical activity can benefit your health and also boost your mood and self-esteem. Find activities you enjoy, like walking, cycling, yoga, or team sports to integrate movement into your daily life.
💙 Journey through a body scan and a sensory run (or walk) with Mel Mah in A Mindful Run, a moving meditation that boosts your mood, health, and belief in yourself.
10. Express your needs and ask for help
Being independent doesn't mean going it alone all the time, but knowing when to handle things yourself and when to seek assistance. Ask for help when you need it, and clearly express your needs to others. It's a sign of strength and self-awareness to communicate your needs, not weakness.
What does being independent mean (and why is it important)?
Independence is about having the freedom and ability to make your own decisions, take action based on your personal values, and live your life in a way that reflects who you are. It involves taking responsibility for your actions, managing your life affairs, and making decisions without undue influence from others.
With emotional self-reliance, you can find the freedom to pursue your aspirations.
6 benefits of being independent
Becoming independent can bring benefits to many aspects of your life, from your mental health to your relationships.
1. Boosts self-confidence and self-esteem: When you're able to make your own decisions and rely on yourself, you naturally feel more competent and capable. Each successful decision or solved problem reinforces your belief in your abilities, enhancing your self-confidence and self-esteem.
2. Reduces stress and promotes happiness: Independence allows you to live life on your terms, reducing the stress that comes from living up to others' expectations or relying on them for your needs. This can lead to greater happiness and satisfaction in life.
3. Improves decision-making: As you become more independent, you'll likely make more decisions on your own, which can improve your decision-making skills over time. Learning to evaluate options and consider consequences can help you make choices that align with your goals and values.
4. Allows you to help others: When you're self-reliant, you're in a better position to assist others. You can offer support and guidance based on your experiences and strengths, helping those around you grow and succeed.
5. Ensures you make yourself a priority: Independence can encourage you to put your own needs, goals, and wellbeing first. Recognizing that taking care of yourself doesn’t have to mean being selfish — it can enable you to be your best for others as well.
6. Empowers you to achieve your dreams: Being independent can give you the freedom to pursue your desires and ambitions, such as career goals, personal projects, or lifestyle changes.
Being independent FAQs
What does it mean to be too independent?
Being too independent means relying on yourself so much that it becomes counterproductive. This overemphasis on self-reliance can lead to isolation, making it difficult to build or maintain meaningful relationships. People who are excessively independent might refuse help even when it might be beneficial, potentially missing out on the advantages of collaboration and support. Finding a balance can help combine self-reliance with the support and companionship of others.
Why do I struggle to be independent?
Struggling with independence can be influenced by various factors, including upbringing, past experiences, or fear of failure. If you've always relied on others to make decisions or provide support, stepping out on your own can feel daunting. Fear of making the wrong choices or facing challenges alone can also hinder independence. Building independence often involves developing self-confidence, decision-making skills, and the ability to manage your own life effectively, which can take time and effort.
Can being too independent be a bad thing?
Being overly independent can have negative consequences. While it's valuable to be self-sufficient, excessive independence can lead to loneliness, difficulty in accepting help, and challenges in forming deep, supportive relationships. Life often requires collaboration and support from others, and being overly independent can hinder your ability to engage in these beneficial exchanges. Find a balance where you can be self-reliant yet open to assistance and connection with others.
What is toxic independence?
Toxic independence refers to an extreme form of self-reliance in which someone avoids relying on others to an unhealthy degree. This can show up as an unwillingness to accept help, a refusal to acknowledge their limitations, or a tendency to isolate themselves. Toxic independence can lead to stress, burnout, and a sense of isolation, as they may struggle to form meaningful connections or collaborate with others. Recognizing and addressing toxic independence involves acknowledging the value of interdependence and the benefits of sharing life's journey with others.
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