How to accept an apology: 5 examples of what to say
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn how to accept an apology with grace in 4 mindful steps. Plus, 5 examples of what to say when someone apologizes, even when you're still hurt.
An apology can mark a pivotal point in a relationship and accepting one isn't always straightforward. Sometimes the hurt runs deep. Other times, the apology doesn't feel entirely sincere. Or maybe the person is apologizing for an action that’s tough to move past.
No matter the circumstance, deciding to accept an apology is about acknowledging the effort of the other person and choosing to move forward.
Why you might want to accept an apology
When someone extends an apology, it shows they're taking responsibility for their actions and acknowledging the hurt they’ve caused. By accepting their apology, you’re closing off a painful experience and opening up possibilities for personal growth and enhanced mutual respect.
Understanding and healing: When someone says they're sorry, they're showing remorse for their actions. Accepting their apology can be a step toward healing any emotional wounds.
Rebuilding trust: Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship, and it can be damaged when someone hurts us. Accepting an apology can help begin rebuilding this trust.
Personal peace: Holding onto anger or resentment can be emotionally draining and can even affect your health. Choosing to accept an apology allows you to release these negative emotions, making space for inner peace and emotional wellbeing. It's a form of self-care that allows you to move on from the hurt and focus on more positive aspects of your life.
Facilitating forgiveness: Accepting an apology is often linked to forgiveness, but it's important to note that they're not always the same. You can accept an apology as an acknowledgment of someone's regret while still working through your feelings of forgiveness. This process takes time, so be patient with yourself.
Promoting growth: By accepting an apology, you're given the opportunity to learn about your capacity for empathy and understanding. It's a chance to reflect on your values, your response to hurt, and how you navigate relationships.
What to say when someone apologizes: 5 examples
Your response to an apology plays a key role in shaping how your relationship with the person apologizing continues to develop. In your response, it’s important to acknowledge the other person's effort, address the hurt caused, offer forgiveness, and pave the way for open communication.
When you're still hurt, it's especially important to be honest about your feelings while keeping the door open for future reconciliation. Doing so allows both of you to understand that while an apology is a step in the right direction, healing is a process that may require time.
Choosing the right words can help convey your feelings clearly and facilitate the healing process for both of you. These example phrases can help you decide what to say.
1. How to acknowledge their effort
"I recognize the effort it took for you to apologize, and I want you to know that I appreciate it. It shows me that you understand the impact of what happened and are taking steps to make things right."
2. How to address the hurt and offer forgiveness
"What happened was hurtful, and it took me some time to process my feelings. Hearing your apology has helped me see your perspective, and I've decided to forgive you. Let's work together to ensure it doesn't happen again."
3. How to accept their apology and avoid future misunderstandings
"I accept your apology and appreciate you addressing this issue. Let's both take this as a learning experience to improve our communication and avoid similar misunderstandings in the future."
4. How to provide reassurance after accepting their apology
"Thank you for your apology. I value our relationship and am relieved we can move past this. I'm here if you want to talk more about how we can prevent such situations in the future."
5. How to respond when you're still hurt
"I hear your apology and thank you for it, but I need some time to fully process my feelings. Let's keep the lines of communication open as we both reflect on this situation."
How to accept an apology with grace in 4 steps
Accepting an apology with grace involves understanding, communication, and a genuine desire to move past the conflict. It offers both parties a chance to grow from the experience and build a healthier relationship in the future.
1. Reflect on their apology and consider its sincerity
Take a moment to truly listen to and consider the apology you've received. Assess the sincerity of the apology and whether it addresses the heart of the issue. Consider the person's body language, tone, and choice of words. This is about understanding the depth of their remorse and ensuring the apology isn't superficial.
💙 Even if you’re angry, engaging in active Listening can help you take in what they’re trying to say.
2. Embrace their apology and recognize the effort they’ve made
This doesn't mean you immediately forget the hurt, but rather you acknowledge their attempt to make amends. Recognizing their effort to apologize shows your willingness to move toward reconciliation and healing.
💙 Learning how to Check In With Your Emotions can help ease healing.
3. Engage with acceptance in order to move forward
Make a conscious decision not to let the past incident control your emotions or your relationship with the person saying they’re sorry. While memories of the hurt might not vanish instantly, you accept that those memories won’t dictate your feelings moving forward.
💙 Practicing a loving-kindness meditation can help you cultivate Love and Acceptance as you move forward.
4. Communicate any challenges rather than hiding from them
Sometimes, even after an apology, you might find it challenging to move on. In this case, it’s important to communicate your feelings clearly. If the apology isn't sufficient then state what you need for closure. If you're struggling to let go of the hurt, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a professional to help you navigate your emotions.
💙 Receive guidance on how to Learn to Let Go from the 7 Days of Happiness series.
How to accept an apology FAQs
What to do when you apologize and get no response?
If you've apologized and haven't received a response, it's important to respect the other person's space and time. They may need to process their feelings or perhaps they’re not ready to engage in a conversation about forgiveness yet. While you can offer an apology, the decision to accept it and respond lies with the other person. Avoid pushing for an immediate response, and in the meantime, reflect on your actions and consider what you can learn from the situation to avoid similar issues in the future.
Why am I still upset after an apology?
Feeling upset even after receiving an apology is common and understandable. An apology doesn't erase the hurt or the impact of the actions that led to it. Your emotions are valid, and it's important to acknowledge and address them. Healing is a process, and it can take time to work through your feelings. Consider discussing your ongoing emotions with the person who apologized, seeking support from friends or a counselor, or finding constructive ways to express and process your feelings. This might include journaling or engaging in a creative activity.
What do you say after an apology is accepted?
After your apology is accepted, expressing gratitude can be a positive next step. You might say something like, "Thank you for accepting my apology. I appreciate your understanding and am committed to making positive changes." This acknowledges the acceptance and reinforces your intention to improve. It's also an opportunity to discuss any steps you both can take to strengthen your relationship and prevent future misunderstandings.
Is it immature to not accept an apology?
Choosing not to accept an apology doesn't necessarily mean you're immature. It could indicate that the apology didn't meet your need for sincerity or fully acknowledge the harm done. It might also mean that you need more time to heal or that the trust between you has been irreparably damaged. You must be honest with yourself and the other person about why you're not ready to accept the apology and to consider what, if anything, would need to change for forgiveness to be possible in the future.
How do I ask someone for an apology?
Asking for an apology involves clear communication and expressing your feelings respectfully. It's important to convey why you feel hurt and why you believe an apology is necessary. Approach the conversation calmly and without accusation. You can say something like, "When [specific action] happened, I felt [specific emotion], and I think it would help me to hear an apology from you so we can move forward."
While you can always ask for an apology, you can't force someone to say they’re sorry. The goal is to express your feelings honestly and openly.
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